Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Meet the Players



Tea, the Tiniest

At four-foot nothing, Tea is the smallest player around the pitch—but she plays with the biggest of hearts. An avid learner, this precocious girl gains experience with every flick. Prepare to see impeccably choreographed post-goal celebration dances in the near future. That is, as soon as her arms grow long enough to reach midfield.

Team: Spain

Slogan: “Go and win!” -OR- “ ‘Number one in your heart, number one on the field’ … I think that’s from a movie or something.”

Zodiac: Pisces

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

SEBT Participants Recall Their Roots, Reluctantly

On the eve of SEBT, I welcome all 1st and 4th Club members to recall their rather distant and modest past. For if we’re to forge ahead toward SEBT, we need to recall our past. Born of boredom, rather bad hygiene, and alcoholism, the first recorded 1st and 4th Club Subbuteo tournament transpired on Christmas day 1896. The then, Martin’s Celery Concern, ruled the working class with an iron hand. The pickers, before the blasphemous idea of unionization, labored 16-hour days, insipidly without respite. To make their lives bearable, they founded a Subbuteo society that would form the roots of the modern-day 1st and 4th club. Sure they used a ball formed from the remains of a schnapps cork, and the rudimentary figures were meticulously sculpted from chicken bone, in it’s crudest form the joy of Subbuteo spackled over the dung heap of the Martin Celery picker’s listless lives. Rusty “the finger” Johnson (seated second from the left) suggested flicking the players with the finger, revolutionizing the game we know today as Subbuteo. Before “the finger”, the tongue was employed as the mover of players. It is these founding father to whom we are truly indebted.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Oh it is so on

Ha ha! Oh Timothy, your comments humor me. Surely you do not include me in the group of "children" that will as you put it, "grow weary during the holidays." And if "mug of warm milk" is some kind of translation for championship, then yes, I suppose someone will be needing to supply me with what is rightfully mine. I would like to inform all that will be competing in the SEBT tournament that I will be dropping my playstation controller this week and instead, be dedicating all of my spare time to preparing for this crucial competition. Instead of blasting nazi zombies, I will be perfecting my patented chip shot. Which leads me to my next statement. If you foul me within shooting range, you WILL find yourself fishing the ball out of the back of your own net. I do not intend to witness number 1's attempt at the dougie. To whoever is drawn to be my partner: congratulations, you can say that you had the opportunity to play with me in route to my third straight tournament title. To all others: you're welcome and I hope that you bring paper and a pen to take notes on how the beautiful game was intended to be played.

Der Tyrant’s Korner #1



Pre-SEBT Trash Talk et Predictions.

Hola, Subbuteo Aficionados. With a only a week until the final, major competition of the 1st & 4th club for the 2010 season, I thought it would be fitting to discuss the preparatory work of a world class Subbuteo powerhaus: my Bayern Munich team.

As I have not taken to the pitch since the July 4th tournament, my team and dreamily dexterous hand are in the best possible condition, better, in fact, than any other team in our league; which is to say they are well rested. As any Subbuteo player or fan knows, the key to success in a desperate match is just the same as the success of a known universe, the conservation of energy. All those people, foolishly ‘playing’ in the interim games and beachside tournaments, will be bringing all their tired and injured bodies (hangnails, broken nails and hyper-extended digits) to the game, while I’ve barely done anything, literally, for the last four months. It is only through such focused attention to lethargy, that a team can truly expect to last through the grueling waves of tournament play. Needless to say, though I feel I must, I will rule the house.

That said, what will happen on the 18th, besides my pending triumph? Here’s what I think: age will rule. Sure, we’ve seen the youngins “bring it,” as they are wont to say, in previous tournaments; but like all children, they grow weary during the holidays and must be given a hearty mug of warm milk and to be tucked beneath fluffy blankets for long winter’s rest. Their elders, on the other hand, have the strength of will and fortitude to push on, beyond the shopping/wrapping exhaustion and focus on the only thing which really matters at this time of year, the New Year’s 1st & 4th Club Tournament… and I guess any Subbuteo action that might occur in December.

Therefore, I believe that Mark and Adam will have their best performance in recent years. They won’t play as well as I will, but their skills, unleashed with the patina of experience, will grind their opponents into the dust. Tommy, who is half young, half old, should also perform well, though it must be said that his Lazarus-esque return to the Day of Craft, may affect his game. I guess it will all depend on whether he feels like he’s “sad inside” come kick off time.

The rest of the 1st & 4th gang should bring lots of tissues to sop up the tears.

Original Club Crest Discovered!

While rummaging in a milkcrate of Latin music records found on a Jersey City street corner, I discovered in one album sleeve not a vinyl record, but some propaganda posters. While most exhorted the reader to "Buy War Bonds" or Ovaltine, one promoted a local sports organization: the First and Fourth Subbuteo Club. What an incredible surprise, to not only find the first emblem of our predecessor club, but that "slap it, drain it, kill it" had applied to Hitler--the original cryptid. Looks like I have some research to do on the history of subbuteo. But until then, enjoy this blast from the past:







Wednesday, December 8, 2010

#1 Strides for the Cup


After much anticipation, the rumors have been deemed TRUE.
The newly appointed, "#1", on the Schettler Favorite Person Index has made a public statement saying that he will be attending the Craft Day tournament devoted to SEBT. Number 1 was quoted as saying, "I plan on strategizing, executing, and hoisting the cup high while performing my new rendition of the John Wall 'Dougie'...I'm coming for you Number 2 (Kaitlyn Decker)." That's all we have for you now. Cannot wait to see all those who plan on participating in SEBT.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Don't call it a comeback, I been here for years

The Blur
Prime Directive: Not just slow the game down, but bring it to a standstill. (If possible, reverse the flow of time.)
Profession: Intergalactic Troublemaker.
Team I Command: A.C. Milan
First took the field: 1996
Why did I start playing? To impress a girl who liked MST3K and the Talking Heads song Once in a Lifetime, and frequently wore torn jeans.
How I take my Coffee: Like my Gumbo - with cream and two sugars.
Battle cry: BRING IT!!!
Trash Talk: Blaaaaw, how ya like me now?!
Skills: Sketchy at best.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Proposed Crest Meets Mixed Reviews

Knowing better ideas were on the way, the 1st and 4th Club unveiled a proto type crest (pictured on right). Other ideas included chainsaws. A finalized crest design will be uncovered at the club’s next major tournament, the Charity Shield for SEBT, 18 December 2010.


Meet the Players
Name: Kaitlyn
Nickname: the Heavily Favored aka, Portch aka, the Girl
Fave Teams: International-Portugal
EPL-The Red Devils of Manchester United
MLS-Philadelphia Union
When did I start playing: my early years of high school
Why did I start/who inspired you?: the spirit of the game
Slogan: You can't spell awesome without me
Zodiac sign: Taurus
How do you celebrate a goal?: celebrate around the table, followed by a great amount of trash talking.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Meet the Players
Name: Peyton (Kid in the red hat, surrounded by senior club members during his 1st and 4th Club initiation/hazing.)
Fave team: Japanese National Team (a.k.a. "the Samurai Blue")
Slogan: "I was told there'd be Cheetos?"
Zodiac sign: Virgo
When did you start playing? "I started playing in July 2010 because it looked fun."
Nickname: PJ

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Will Plank Called Out!

After inheriting this superbly crafted/1st and 4th Club approved World Cup German National Team (2nd kit), 1st and 4th Club members eagerly await Will Plank, Esq.’s participation in any upcoming tournament. Will it be SEBT (December 18)? Only the fickle Subbuteo gods (and Will’s wife) know…

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Meet the Players

Avery, aka The Time Thief

Avery has been a part of the club since the year 2008. She has created a solid foundation in the club and has even had a technique named after her. "Averying" is the action of blatantly wasting time during a match of high intensity and importance.

What is your team: A self-crafted squad of hot pink "Avery-ers"
Motto: "Go glitz, or go home."
Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Meet the Players

Mary
What Is Your Team: Brazil
Motto: Play or go home
Why did you start playing: Mary's introduction to the club came at the 2010 Independence Day Tournament. Most of her family, namely her cousins, inspired her interest and zesty style of play.
Sign of the Zodiac: Virgo

Friday, August 6, 2010

Meet the Players

Elizabeth-“E” or the Mastermind”

Elizabeth officially started playing Subbuteo in 2008, but was somewhat aware of the “sport” her whole life.

What is Your Team: I have created my own unique team of fashionistas

Motto: I will roll with more style than skill

Zodiac Sign: A proud cancer

First Beach Tournament Nets Chapped Pouch Consciousness

Inaugural Beach Tournament champion, Harrison, is pictured here with all five contending teams. The tournament’s proceeds went to raise awareness for Chapped Pelican Pouch Syndrome (or CPP) . When asked about the beachside fundraising flick football fiesta, participant Christian R. responded, “It was cool. We saved like five pelicans.” Bravo 1st and 4th Club members…bravo!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Our 1st and 4th Club manager, Carter, is seen here rubbing elbows with MLS All-Star Sebastien Le Toux.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Meet the Players


Christian, The Prodigy

Christian is the youngest and most energetic player in the club. With the use of official measuring instruments, it has been determined that Christian travels the farthest distance of any 1st and 4th member on average in a match.

What is your team: Columbus Crew
Motto: "Wassup shawti?!"
Zodiac Sign: Libra

Meet the Players


Jensen, The Subbuteo Hatchling
Jensen is the most recent 1st and 4th Club member to come onto the subbuteo scene. He made his first appearence in an official club tournament in July of 2010 in Emerald Isle. The tournament was the CPP (Chapped Pelican Pouches) Cup in which he placed 5th.

What is your team: LA Galaxy
Motto: "I only gave up 6 goals that game."
Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Friday, July 2, 2010

Meet the Players



(Baby) Tommy a.k.a "BT"

Good luck to my fellow competitors, and may the best 23-year-old playwright win.

What is your team: The Indomitable Lions of Cameroon
Motto: "Dope to win!"
Zodiac Sign: Leo

Meet the Players

Harrison "HBS", "fire wrists", "P.L. wood", or whatever works best for the tournament bracket

What is your team: The Red Devils, Manchester United
When did you start playing: 2006
Why did you start playing/who inspired you: Dad got me interested in it and I liked playing Subbuteo with him.
Slogan: I do what I do and you do what you can do about it.
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Meet the Players


Tim "The Tyrant"

What is your team: FC Bayern Munich (R'presenting the JC of NJ. Word.)
Slogan: “It’s time to get my balls on the field.” – “Death to those who oppose the cause.”
Zodiac sign: My favorite is Aries.

Meet the Manager


Dutch


What is your team: The Hollish of the Netherlands (both home and away uniforms will be available)
When did you start playing: I don’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t playing.
Slogan: You can expect all 3 prongs of the trident when you challenge me!
Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Meet the President

Mark "aka Mark"

A penultimate, ultimate champion, I believe my resume speaks for itself. I will, however, lower myself to complete the requisite form.

What is your team: The Ivorians of the Ivory Coast-representing The Ville "aka America's Sorrow"
When did you start playing: For me, Subbuteo has been a life’s work. Matter of factually; early renditions of the Mark epoch include weaning from my mother to Subbuteo’s ambrosial-like nourishing goodness.
Why did you start playing/who inspired you: I am an inspiration to myself.
Slogan: Mess with the bull and sometimes you get the horns.”
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
In the event you score a goal, how will you "strut your stuff": After witnessing my first NBA game in quite some time, I now realize that young people enjoy dances that are incredibly provocative, threatening and somewhat irritating. Bearing this in mind, I have been working on an urban infused concoction of shaking dice while my spangly legs are aspiring to an Irish jig.