Meet the Players: Dana

Nickname: The Ringer

Team: Philadelphia Union

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Slogan: “Impossible is nothing.”

How did you begin playing Subbuteo?

I walked into Carter’s (Dutch’s) basement, and his whole family was already playing. I don’t even like soccer—but I guess I’m good at whatever this is.

Dana has proven to be a fearless defender and tournament champion … despite never having never played Subbuteo before. (Or so she claims.)

First Tourney Re-cap? Confirmed!

For those privileged few to have been in attendance, you and I know that First Tournament lived up to its Gastby-esque billing (although no one did a cannon-ball into the hot tub from the deck.) I would say that not much more needs to be said … but I guess for my reader’s sake I’ll summon the energy to summarize the events of that epic night.

Final Tournament Standings:

1)       Lover’s Spat (Dutch & Dana)

2)       Seier (Firewrists & Mary)

3)       Decker Duo (Kaitlyn & HBT)

4)       Nine-Mounth-Old Cod-Piece (Muncle Mark & Der Tyrant)

5)       Magic Flippers (Dirty Nacho & The Blur)

6)       Falco (E & Jen$in)

7)       Chavery (Travis & Avery)

8)       Spanish Samurai (Petyon & Têa)

Golden Boot: Dutch (16 goals)

Black Hole Hands: Tea & Travis (10 saves each)

President’s Cup: Decker Duo

Tourney MVP: Dana

Der Tryrant’s Whip: not awarded (due to lack of qualified candidates)

2011 Player of the Year (aka MVP): Hobo Baby

There? Get it? That’s what happened. Boom.

Wait, what’s that? A box score doesn’t suffice? You what? You want a full narrative article? With humorous anecdotes, gripping drama, and witty observations? And pictures? Well, I thought you’d never ask.

Der Tyrant's Corner 1.4.12

Well that’s Football. Er… Subbuteo. I realize that it’s the 3rd or 4th of January and that means I should be writing about who will win the 2012 MVP of the 1st & 4th Club but I figure I might as well waste a few KB on last year’s MVP. No, it wasn’t me, though I am by far the front runner for the 2012 MVP because I’m awesome.

But allow me to shine a light upon the 2011 MVP of the 1st & 4th Club.

Meet Hobo Baby.

Sure, I know what you’re thinking, how could Hobo Baby, bindle-laden and carrying the stink of an abandoned dog, become the MVP for an entire season if he just entered the Club on the very last day of the year? Simple, when people started talking about who should be the official MVP, what with 2011 being our most organized season to date which I guess prompted the discussion… I looked at Hobo Baby, who was sharing the bar with me at the Collegeville Subbuteo Palace’s watering hole, Life’s a Pitch, and said, “This guy, Hobo Baby, he’s the MVP.” Being Der Tyrant, my word is law. And that was that. Boom.

Of course, Hobo Baby was stunned into silence. Sure, his mad-knife wielding skilz are well renowned. And who hasn’t spent time in his lean-to down by the river’s edge, eating dry bricks of ramen and downing flat Tom Collins mix… But it takes more than just charm to be the MVP in this club. As proven by The President’s Cup and Der Tyrant’s Whip, the awards that matter most in the 1st & 4th Club are those earned by Moxie, Grit, Goink, and (especially in reference to the Whip) Unnecessary Penalties. To shine in this Subbuteo league, you have to be a star.

And stellar is Hobo Baby. In fact, that’s the word that best describes his personality, on and off the pitch… well off the pitch for sure… I don’t think Hobo Baby has ever played Subbuteo but whatever… But the words: stinky, orphaned, sock-headed, toothless wonder, lantern-jawed, pee pipe using and hobo also best describe him. After that, I don’t really know anything else about him other than the fact that he’s shorter than I am, which again, proves that I am destined to be the MVP in 2012.

Hobo Baby receives a laurel and hardy handshake for his accomplishments from The President.

I’m sure that we’re going to enjoy Hobo Baby’s company at future tournaments. Or maybe we won’t. He’s a hobo, after all. But one thing I do know, he’s got a knife.