Yeah, you know it. You wanted to be here. In the
JC, where you can see New York City but don’t have to smell it. Where you can
order paella for two and feed six. Where something happened that one time.
Yeah, that place.
HBT and Der Tyrant, that’s me, officially opened
the 2014 season here at The Danger Zone by not inviting all of you
lantern-jawed yokels to a wonderful tournament. It was bright, beautiful day, perhaps,
when the first tournament held in New Jersey kicked off. The new, battleship
gray pitch proved to be a splendidly quick and perfect surface for sexy goals
and stylish saves. You cannot imagine just how exciting the action was. Try it.
Close your eyes. Smell the fresh baked cookies, feel the pleasant warmth from
our gigantic, pre-wars radiators. Hear the gentle drag of the ball across the
supple, billiard felt. Taste the magic of Jersey City oxygen, like licking
Aphrodite’s neck, which tastes just like blue cotton candy for some reason. Lick
it! Yep, a truly magical, once in a lifetime event. It was so … words fail me.
It was such a special event the we didn’t even
invite the official 1st & 4th “Time” Keeper and she lives here. Like in this very apartment.
By the end of the tournament, a tournament so
great it can never be repeated, HBT proved victorious. I decided to protest his
victory, thus making it an official tournament according to our club bylaws.
Here are the deets:
Tournament winner: HBTHere are the deets:
Der Tyrant’s Whip: Der Tyrant
Golden Boot: HBT
Black Hole Hands: HBT
President’s Cup: na
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