“JC boys delight record attendance at 4th tournament by nearly winning semi-finals in most dramatic fashion."
There’s nothing like a 25 minute Subbuteo match between determined opponents to stir the patriotic blood on a date chosen by politicians to celebrate major savings at most corporate retail establishments. But I’m getting ahead of myself… Let me tell you about the perfect moment at the 4th of July Classic in America's Sorrow. Slacker Genius… PM Track… Each team showed incredible poise during the tournament, PM Track smashing opponents by greedily scoring on them, while the noble Slacker Genius crushed the will of their opponents with defensive skill which can only be described as surgical. There was a hum in the air as the semi final game between Slacker Genius and PM Track began. At the end of regulation play they were surrounded by handfuls of fans and they were tied, something to something. I mean, it was so long ago who can remember the details… And then they were still tied after a 5 minute overtime. And they remained tied after some sort of HORSE-basketball-style goal scoring competition. Slacker Genius finally sucked it up during the PKs and lost.
With that loss, the tremendous drama that had grown through out the day, nay, since the 1st of January was released. It was a watershed moment in sports that one had to be there to truly understand. Like the Giants winning the pennant, Lebron losing the championship or the General leading his team to victory in parkour; it was a moment that will live forever in the hearts and minds of this grateful nation.
And apparently there was another game after that… I guess that somebody won.”
--Oliver Plunkett, The New World Time Sports Illustrated Semi-annual, July 7th, 2011
See, isn’t that a lovely article? I barely have anything to add. I guess the only thing I have to say, other than ruing the fact that a Decker still has not won a 1st & 4th championship and I know that all eyes are on me to reach that acclaimed position... is that my new “moving dudes on the pitch” offense still needs work. As I mentioned in previous posts, my “no touch” offense is so brilliant that combined with my indomitable black hole hand defense, I would win every game ever played. Being a fair minded tyrant, I used my well inked finger to “bring” a “traditional” offense to the game and my team suffered for it. I must apologize to HBT for not scoring enough goals to shut the Schettlers out of their own tournament championship game. And I will state for the record, pounding a shoe on my laptop for emphasis, I will bury you!
Kitfoa with love,
Der Tyrant
After thoughts:
Will The Thrill did not go home crying and did, in fact, score a goal or two. He even scored a goal on his son, C-Train, which will, no doubt, lead to a serious father and son confrontation at some point in the future, just like Luke and Vader. I’m putting my money on C-Train.
Props for C-Train showing up and playing the full tournament like a champ, despite barely being able to reach the middle of the pitch and staying awake many hours after his bedtime. And with 3 saves to his credit, I foresee a future Black Hole Hands award in the future… you know, once he overcomes the temptations of the Dark Side and cuts off his father’s hand. Props to E and her excellent coaching skilz. Certainly they were the rightful, lawful winners of the President’s Cup and bring a sense of honor to the title (unlike the Mark and HBT losing "partnership" that brought the President’s Cup into existence).
And obviously, we must wait with bated breath for Mark the President to get back from his trip to The Great White North and set the record straight that The Crew did indeed win the President’s Cup during the 4th Tournament. Sorry, The Blur, but even your most verbose ‘roid rage will not get you the laurels that you do not deserve. Champion, yes, President’s Cup winner, no. If you need me to, I’ll make you a shirt that says you didn’t win the President’s Cup so you can have a constant reminder of that fact.
Suck that.
No comments:
Post a Comment