Ask Professor Plaga

I know what you’re thinking. Why doesn’t someone on the Internet advance the supreme sport of Subbuteo via a questions and answers format with the need to neither wax metaphoric nor include cutesy cat videos? Well, 1st and 4^th Club aficionados rejoice! Finally there is an expert willing to step into the breach. With a keen interest in advancing the sport of Subbuteo, coupled with an overwhelmingly full head of needless knowledge, Professor Plaga’s ready to oblige all questions, various and sundry.

In order to protect our reader’s privacy (also, and more importantly, upon the strong advice of 1^st and 4^th legal counsel, William Plank Esq.), pseudonyms have been used.

Our first question is from Der “Pyrant” of Jersey City, NJ: Professor Plaga, is it wise to move defensive players? In past competitions, no matter how infrequently I’ve moved, or how many articles of clothing I’ve removed, I just can’t seem to “get over the hump.” Help me Professor Plaga, you’re my only hope.

Professor Plaga: To answer your question, no.

The second question is also from a reader in Jersey City. Hot Baby “Jommy” asks: Professor Plaga, is it possible for a superior team, such as Hordest Sandwich, to not win a tournament, regardless of its accumulated talent level, exponential advantage or overall knowledge of Subbuteo? Additionally, should that team win a cup?

P.P: Yes and yes!

A last query is submitted from a reader in Collegeville, PA. “Dirty Macho” posed: Professor Plaga, could an amendment to the 1^st and 4^th Club’s Constitution be put forth to allow the eating of cheese puffs during play? I’ll promise to keep all crumbs and orange powder off of the playing surface. Also, I’ll need only occasional reminders that it’s my turn to play. I will not commit, however, to getting in the way of competitions, which do not include me.

P.P.: No!!!